More baby food

It's been pretty quiet around here this week, which I can't really complain about right? Baby food making is still going well - I've added cauliflower, broccoli, lentils, papaya and mangoes into her diet. Sweet potato is still her favorite and I can pretty much sneak in anything as long as I mix in a little sweet potato goodness :) I may test this out and try some brussels sprouts next week!!



We recently purchased a foam mat so she would have a dedicated space in our living room. It was getting a little trickier now that she's rolling around everywhere and I was finding odd tiny objects on our living room carpet so I thought it was best to have a mat that would be off limits to us (and our shoes). I decided on this one, after reading this article on playmats and toxic formamide! So far so good, she seems to really love the colors.

Non-toy Toys

My friend Melis was over last week and I can't even remember how it came up but somehow Play-doh was mentioned and I immediately had to confess that I never had Play-doh while growing up. Gasp!! I know. I jokingly said that I played with dirt, rocks and paper blow-up balls, which really isn't too far from the truth. You see I grew up in the Philippines and my fondest memories of childhood include, playing dress-up with my sisters (they used to put loads of makeup on me and dressed me up in silly outfits - picture blue eyeshadow and lots of teased hair), making dirt-cakes, laying out big rocks in the middle of our unpaved road hoping to unbalance unsuspecting tricycles (small taxicabs powered by a motorcycle), and following my older brother and his friends (uninvited of course) down the road near the railroad tracks - eagerly awaiting the next load of sugarcanes, hoping for some to stick out just far enough to grab. Then I turned seven, we came to America and I was quickly introduced to Cabbage Patch Kids, My Buddy, Plastic charm bracelets and Barbie Dolls.

As I'm writing this post in our living room, I can't help but notice that I'm surrounded by Emma's ever-growing collection of bright plastic toys. Although I must say I've been really good about not buying too many toys. Most of what she has are either hand-me-downs or gifts from friends and family. Plus I've been good about boxing up and donating a few things here and there. By the way, this isn't a post against toys and material things, coz lord knows it'll be a whole different ballgame once she actually starts asking for things; but just simply a really round about way of sharing my recent discovery of clear plastic cups. Yep. Plastic cups.

I think it's very easy to fall into the trap of buying things for the sake of developing our baby's skills, especially being a new parent and all. Again, don't get me wrong - there's no bigger fan of this atrocious mammoth of a toy but sometimes it's nice to know that two plastic clear Solo cups can keep her entertained long enough for me to peel carrots or empty out the dishwasher. Emma loves playing with these cups. She bangs them on her high-chair tray, claps them together, helps her stretch her arms and fingers and even works her eye-hand coordination as they automatically roll around on her tray. Oh and of course she's slowly learning that mom will always be around to pick them up no matter how many times she drops them. And always accompanied with a very enthusiastic (with hands up in the air) "uh-OH, where did the cup GO"!

So I hope I'll discover a few more household items along the way that I can add to my arsenal of "developmental toys"! Have you had any luck with any non-toy toys? I'd love to try them out!

Changes

Leeeeaap.

Start solids. Check.
Weaning from breastmilk. Check (but sorta sad about it).

I started to incorporate a bottle of formula into her daily schedule this week. AND of course I have mixed feelings about the whole thing...

On one hand I'm excited to start feeling "normal" again, reclaiming my body and start feeling like a woman again (as opposed to a cow). On the other hand, I feel guilty about cutting Emma off of the "good stuff". Plus, at the moment she's been giving me the biggest grins during our breastfeeding sessions - I wish I could capture it and show you guys, it seriously is heart-meltingly priceless. I know it's silly coz I'm sure I'll find other ways to "bond" but I guess it's the idea of losing those precious moments, where you look down and feel like you're all that exists in her tiny world.

I'm not really sure when I'll stop for good. It's funny coz I just realized that the weaning period is more for me than for her.

Happy Birthday Emma!

I can't believe our little Ems is 6 months old today.

Time and I now have an abusive relationship, ever since Emma Cate was born. Most times I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for moments to come (first words, first step...) until I realize it's all going waaay to fast. I happily marvel at all of the changes in her and try to quickly dismiss the fact that I'm not getting any younger.

This year's Grammy Awards was a real eye-opener, not recognizing most of the nominees and performers is proof that I'm in fact becoming an old fogie. AND soon enough I will be uttering the words Emma turn down that music.

Mom Brain

Everything changes once you have kids.

You never really get the magnitude of that statement until it actually happens. Details as minute as what time you start baking the bread in the oven so you can sit down and actually enjoy it warm become a series of DEFCON 5 strategically laid out plans - BUT ONLY TO YOU.

Sometimes I envy how Hillsy stills seems to be able to operate as usual... take a shower when he wants to, spend 20 minutes on the toilet (guilt-free), walk out the door without having to think about whether or not the diaper bag has been restocked, meet up with a friend and not have to worry about his breasts filling up with milk. Me? There's a lot of buzzing and planning in my head. I call it my mom-brain. Yep, the same one that now takes a minute or two to remember where I parked the car. Events and actions aren't what they used to be. Every action prongs out into scenarios, thought bubbles and check boxes... usually looking out as far as 3 to 6 hours ahead. Dad brains don't really work this way. Well at least not in my experience and not according to most of my girlfriends. Maybe single dads?

So what's my point? Jess and others out there who are pregnant with their first...
Be as spontaneous as you can, schedule a bunch of "me" time, hang out with your girlfriends. Do you (while you still can). Enjoy the silence in your head. Take advantage of it coz once your little bundle is out, it may be a loooong while until your brain will allow you think of only yourself. Some will even argue - never.

Now I understand why my friend Melissa sleeps soooo late. She describes it as being drunk with freedom (after the kids are asleep). I get it. Finally! As much as I enjoy my days with Emma, I always look forward to the hours after I lay her down to sleep at night. I guess for now it's as close as I'm gonna get to pre mom brain. I'll take it!

Happy Birthday Emma!

Emma Cate is now 5 months old!

Although she doesn't look that different from her 4 month shot a lot has changed since then. She's so much more animated this month and her personality is starting to really shine through! She's using both hands now, grabbing (my hair, nose, mouth), throwing (toys), thrashing (during tantrums)... I love watching her play, it's quite mesmerizing. She's also rolling over a lot, although she hasn't figured out how to get back on her back and has even begun napping on her tummy without going ape shit. She keeps herself occupied for longer periods of time and is starting to gravitate towards specific toys - her current favorite? She has a love/hate relationship with this Eric Carle Elephant rattle. Her favorite book at the moment is Spot's Noisy Peek-a-boo (thanks to grandad and nan)! My favorite? Making her giggle, her heartfelt giggles kill me! It's definitely an adventure and Hillsy and I look forward to seeing new developments everyday.

As for me - I still don't feel like myself. I'm guessing that that's just the way it's going to be until I stop breastfeeding. I feel so torn about the whole thing. Ideally I'd like to keep it going for at least a year but between you and me, I've been doubting my perseverance on a daily basis. I also need to force my anti-social self to go out and do mommy and me type of activities so she can be around other babies.

Feeds: 4x day + 1 dream feed at night
Sleep: ~12 hours during the night, her naps are a lot shorter these days - 90 to 120 minutes during the day
Size: She's outgrown most of her 3-6 months outfits/onesies last month and is now wearing 6 months
I don't have her current height/weight since we don't get to see the doctor this month. My guess is that she's close to 18 lbs and 26" long.

Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex

Every time I pump (less noticeable during actual breastfeeding sessions) I feel an immediate surge of sadness/depression that lasts for no more than 30 seconds. I'm not sure why I never looked it up before, I guess I just figured I was just being weird again. I was online last night looking up something completely unrelated and I discovered D-MER (Dysophoric Milk Ejection Reflex) via Kellymom. I couldn't click fast enough! I couldn't believe what I was reading - it's exactly what I have. Fortunately I can cope with the 30 seconds and I don't feel the need for medication. Anyway, I just wanted to share in case there are others out there who share this condition.

By the way, thank you so much for your comments on the previous post. She's still waking up pretty early but has been going back to sleep until about 6:30 (today at 6:45). I don't want to jinx it but maybe it's getting better! I've decided to sleep a little earlier at night and that has helped A LOT.

Losing Sleep (again)

The little one has been waking up waaaay too early for the past couple of weeks. I guess she's spoiled us with her down by 6pm up at 6:30-7am routine for the past three months! She's been getting up anywhere from 4am to 5am, I go back to bed after I feed her but the broken sleep leaves me feeling tired during the day. I did a quick search and found some comforting information online - looks like plenty of moms out there experience "sleep regression" at 4 and 8 months. One mom describes it as an enormous developmental spurt where babies go through several weeks of intense brain and prep work. The drawback? They don't sleep as well! I'm not 100% sure if this is what's happening to Emma but I'll take it for now!

Moms, have you experienced this or something similar?

How I survived my baby's first vacation

I'm not gonna lie, I was SUPER anxious about flying with Emma for the first time. Heart palpitations coupled with an uneasy stomach began the night before as I performed my final luggage check. I'm pretty anal when it comes to packing, I HATE checking in luggage and have proudly perfected the art of NOT overpacking... then I had a baby and that all went out the window!

You see, when you have a baby, everything is all about the "what ifs" - what if she craps all over herself, what if the shit leaks out onto my pants during the ride, what if the flight gets delayed and she's already had enough milk, what if it gets late and we have to give her a bath at MJ's house... all these IF's amount to extra stuff to pack.

So Hillsy and I purchased a big suitcase and decided to check it in along with one smaller suitcase (typically a carry-on). The $25 charge for the smaller case was worth the extra hands. Going through U.S. airport security is stressful enough but try throwing a baby in the mix... we figured it was better to have both of our hands free. Definitely a wise choice, do you know that they make you take your baby out of the car seat (sleeping or not), then both the car seat and stroller need to go through the security belt. I can't even imagine traveling on my own with a baby!!!

Next up, timing my feedings. We got lucky that our flight time coincided with my regular feeding schedule. We also opted to get there super early - I'd rather wait around than stress about catching a flight. I fed her before we left the house then again right before takeoff. Being a breastfeeder was a huge advantage. I was able to feed her anytime and didn't have to worry about having enough bottles (although I did bring a bottle of pumped milk just in case). The best part? She has a habit of prolonging her feeds and is more than happy to stay put even after all the milk is gone and usually falls asleep on my chest. Unfortunately she took a crap an hour or so before initial landing, which woke her up (argh). She freaked out in the tiny bathroom but soon settled down once we got back to our seats. I made the mistake of laying her down hoping she'd go back to sleep, but she had other plans and started fussing. I sat her up and daddy kept her occupied until they made the initial descent announcement, my cue to start feeding (lasted until we rolled into the gate). All in all I think we got very lucky on both flights. Next time I'll probably be the poor helpless mom with the crying child.

As for the rest of our trip...
Our first night in Texas was ultra stressful. I thought I was the worst mom dragging my 3 month old into a situation she wasn't ready for. Or maybe a situation that I wasn't ready for. It's important to point out that I'm a stickler for routines. I'd drown without some sort of structure, so you could guess what it's like with me and a baby. My days run like clockwork - feeds, naps, activities are pretty much on schedule. It's all pretty easy for me to accomplish at home, it's just me and Emma and for the most part nothing causes me to deviate from my schedule.

Lucky for us we were staying with family and my brother and sister borrowed a bunch of basics (baby tub, pack n' play, bouncy chair) from friends. Unfortunately the tub was a little different from ours and my little sensitive bundle went apeshit on our first night. I guess she was used to her tub and taking a bath in our kitchen sink and not in a big ol' tub. We had to abort that mission immediately - I've never seen her so upset before. Some of you may be asking, really? was it really that bad you couldn't finish giving her a bath? Seriously though, watching your baby cry herself to purple as if someone was torturing her is gut wrenching. I've never experienced such a natural instinct to protect something/one before - I guess this is what they call a mother's love.

It was a challenge to find the balance between doing what's best for your baby/following your routine and being flexible so you can actually enjoy your vacation. Dinners won't always be at 7 or maybe she'll miss a couple of her naps for a day or two. I think by day 2.5 we got the hang of it and I no longer felt like I had made a huge mistake. I miss my family and wish we could see each other more often but a part of me is relieved to be home and back to our routine! I'm assuming it'll get easier traveling with kids as they get older... (right?)

A few things...

I'm always making comments like - Oh I can't wait until Emma starts holding herself up, or ooh can't wait until she starts talking, can't wait until she can start playing with her bestie Max (he's about 5 months older than her), can't wait until she fits into her super cute skinny jeans that auntie Z bought for her... Well yesterday I spotted my little one in her crib chattin' it up with her mobile animal friends, legs and feet dangling out of her crib - she squirmed herself around ninety degrees. My heart kinda sank... I immediately jetted into her room and asked my little bean not to grow up too quickly.

In case you weren't around last week, Ez and I have relaunched the Nice Package blog (we also gave it a cute little facelift this week). Please check it out when you get a chance. I also want to thank Dana of Leililaloo for asking me to take part in her Balancing series. I told her that I didn't think I was qualified since I haven't really figured it all out yet, but she thought it would be an interesting angle so here's my little interview!

Super Easy Peanut Butter Pie

My oh my how life has changed...

Gone are the days when I used to have all the time (and energy) to whip up one of these or these at a drop of a hat. These days it's all about finding fast and easy meals that I can whip up while the little one is napping or being entertained by the rainforest gym mat!



Guys. You really have to give this Peanut Butter Pie a try - I promise you won't regret it! No cooking involved ;)

I added chopped up peanut butter chocolate truffles on top. I figured why the eff not since I was already eating a tub of cream cheese and a tub of whipped cream! Oh and I prefer to store mine in the freezer.

PS. This has obviously been postponed until further notice.

Images: Marichelle Hills

Baby Blues

... is no joke. I can't even imagine nor will I pretend to know what postpartum depression is like. All I can say is that I'm thankful and lucky that my baby blues didn't spiral into something more serious and long-term. I'm sure not sleeping for two nights in a row at the hospital didn't help, but it wasn't just the exhaustion, it was that mixed with an emotional state that I've never felt before. I felt empty inside, eyes blank, as if someone sucked the life out of them. Although I was able to care for Emma - I breast fed, changed diapers, gave her sponge baths... none of it felt right, I felt more like a programmed heartless robot and none of it felt natural. I remember staring out into space a lot and random thoughts would enter my mind like summer is over, soon the leaves will fall and all this green will turn into a yucky brown... then I would bust out crying. Or I would be carrying Emma and I'd look at her in awe I can't believe you came out of me! and again start to cry. It was like my mind couldn't handle feelings (both happy and sad), like a screw was loose in my head and it couldn't properly filter through the flood of emotions that I was feeling. I couldn't even explain it to Hillsy - poor guy thought I was losing it.

One of the nurses at the hospital discussed baby blues and PPD - so I knew that the symptoms were similar, I just had to keep an eye out on how long I felt the symptoms for (no more than two weeks). By the time week two came along I started to feel more like myself again (hallelujah). What a relief since I was seriously starting to think that I was on my way to postpartum depression. My appetite was back, I was finally returning phone calls, I was no longer crying (at least not from sadness) and the thought of being alone with Emma no longer put me over the edge. Don't get me wrong, her shrilling cries still bring me to tears sometimes but I no longer feel like a helpless robot. Everyday I feel a little more confident... I can do this!

Milestones this month:
she slept from midnight to 6am straight!!, smiling (and I'm pretty sure it's not gas), back to her birth weight and then some, is one inch longer, has discovered her hand and is starting to soothe herself by sucking it, moved up to size 1 diapers, finally using her bouncy chair and the baby bjorn.