Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Keep the spark alive!

MJ (one of my sisters) added a comment to the "Is 35 the new 30?" post and she brought up a really good point about dating - dating your husband that is.

I'm probably not the best person to be giving marriage advice, but I have definitely learned some things from my mistakes. Deafening silence on a 4 hour drive upstate or during a 6-course pre fixe dinner is a sure sign to get the jumper cables out, pronto! Isn't it so easy to take the person next to you for granted? Oh he/she won't mind, it's no big deal.

I think it all goes back to the time issue I brought up last week. With so little discretionary time, it's so easy to slip into a sparkless routine with your partner...

Wake up for work, say goodbye, send one or two instant messages during the day, eat dinner on the kitchen table (if you're lucky), clean up, put the kids to bed (if you have them), wash-up and _______.

a) watch TV
b) have sex
c) talk about your frustrating day at work
d) sleep
e) all of the above

Do it all over again the next day.

Living with someone makes it that much harder to spend quality time together. When I say quality, I'm not referring to sitting next to each other in front of the TV or even watching a two hour long movie. Unfortunately, living together gives us a false sense of how much time we spend with someone. We're almost tricked into thinking that we spend enough time together, but I guess it's what you're doing during that time and whether you're making a connection that makes the difference. It was so much easier to do back in the dating phase - you went out for dinner and had long chats, even had long nightly phone conversations until the wee hours of the morning just getting to know each other. I don't even think it's an issue of falling into a routine, because quality time can still be part of the "routine". Scheduled dates throughout the week, movies that could spark discussions about life/issues afterwards that you no longer have time to do or throwing yourselves into a new activity that neither of you have experience with to spark a new challenge that both of you could relish in. It's all possible, but as many couples who are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary would say it just takes a little (sometimes lots) work!

I was watching the trailer for The Hottest State and this quote just got stuck in my head - "People who give up on love are not worth loving". Although there's nothing wrong with giving up on love - because I know that sometimes you just fall out of love and NOT giving up is even more ridiculous and mind-numbing than giving up; BUT I can truly appreciate the statement or at least my interpretation of it. I think that there is this imaginary line in any relationship, you either cross it and you hit the point of no return OR you teeter on it and decide to keep the spark alive!

By the way, this applies to friendships as well. Personally, I feel that some of my friendships have been reinvigorated... more on that another day!

Image courtesty of www.rattanladifference.com

1 comment:

Karen said...

i have found recently that some of the best times are stolen moments...like in the middle of preparing dinner, while the kids are playing...your husband/partner passes through the kitchen to get a drink and you just grab him and hug him/squeeze him for a few seconds...ahhh...reinvigorated :-)