Tuesday, September 18, 2007

When do you call it quits?

I feel as if I've been beating the topic of friendship to death recently, but there's something else that I want to discuss. We've already established that as we get older, our relationships change and we find ourselves spending less and less time with our girlfriends. But have you ever (or maybe you're in one now) been friends with someone for the sake of being friends?

We get rid of loser boyfriends, tell off moronic bosses, cast off dead-beat dads but why is it so hard to call it quits when it comes to girlfriends?

I met most of my close friends from college, a few from high school and a couple from grade school. I hardly see the ones I met prior to college and somehow I fear that most of those friendships have fallen through the cracks. It's funny because you somehow expect each other to be the same person you met in the playground, the same girl you used to cut classes with, the same girl you used to smoke with while hanging outside the window of your NKOTB-poster infested room. Unfortunately, we change by the minute... the person we were yesterday may not necessarily be the person we are today. We may not like who the other turned out to be and if we had a choice today, we may not necessarily choose to be friends.

At what point do you call it quits? Is there a friendship standard, some sort of minimum requirement in order to be considered a "friend"? Is there a minimum for how many times you talk/see someone in a year. Is there a quality check - do conversations need to be more substantial than how's work? how's your family? Have you hit the point of no return when being friends is more work than play - or when you no longer feel like you're getting anything out of it besides high blood pressure or tourette's? I honestly don't know the answer.

I'm actually meeting up with a friend that I haven't seen or spoken to in more than 4 years. We've been trying to schedule drinks for a while now but just couldn't get it together. Hopefully this time it works out! We used to be super close, attached to the hip actually and somehow we drifted into a no-contact abyss. It's been so long I honestly don't even remember how it happened. I guess we'll meet up, talk about old times, catch up about new times and then decide if the women we've turned into these past 4 or so years can stand each other once again =)

Image from chelsbaydesign.com


AW said...

aw man i love that pic from the wonder years. brings me back. my winnie cooper and paul pfeiffer are still around and in some ways we've changed and other ways it's still the same old gang when we're all together. it's rare though, when we do get together. we've all grown out of each other some what, but maybe that's expected as we define who we are and the life we plan to live. i miss those days. i certainly do. not that they were perfect, but that was my childhood and those were my friends. there is something reassuring about getting back together with those you've spent your growing up years with. and i think it's worth a shot trying to rekindle that.

Z said...

I guess you call it quits when both sides don't really make an effort after a while. Then you know there is really nothing keeping the friendship together.

Marichelle said...

But what if all you have is the past? I guess that's what happens as you get older... I can picture myself sitting on a porch when I'm 80 doing just that, but until then it would be nice to experience things.

As for when to call it quits - I think it's the ideal situation when both parties decide it's a done deal. I think it's harder when it's not a mutual decision.

Karen said...

well, since your blog i would say that you and i have rekindled something in our friendship. i guess in order to be friends in the first place there needs to be some commonality...whether it be a hobby, interest, philosophy, etc.. although sharing "good times" is great and all...i'm not sure that's the only thing that can sustain a friendship. there needs to be some depth...you need to know what makes the person tick...whether you agree or disagree...just an understanding. i'm still struggling with this one...there are ups and downs, and re-evaluations...increasing/decreasing the "expectation" bar...i don't know...maybe it's just the finicky-ness of being a "girl".

Marichelle said...

karen, great point about the "girl" factor. I'd love to see a male blogger posting about breaking up with their "boyz" ;-)