Tuesday, October 23, 2007

October check-up

I should probably do a monthly check-up (or at least every other month) on where I'm at in my temporary retirement. Just because I don't talk about it, doesn't mean that I don't think about it. Communicating it here will help me put things on "paper" and although I do feel that it makes me somewhat more accountable, I don't really like to think of it in those terms. Let's just say it's simply documenting a process that will no doubt have its constant shifts, loops, bends and breaks.

Do I plan to sell the stuff I make? Both friends and family have been really supportive and have been asking whether or not I would be interested in selling what I make. It's a possibility, but I'm not sure that I have the capacity to do this (yet). I do enjoy the feeling I get when I... think of a new project, complete a project, figure out how to do something even better than the 3rd time around, make something special for someone and they know that my heart was in it... the list goes on and on. My number one fear is losing the joy I get from making things. It's really a meditative activity for me, no matter how frustrating it gets sometimes, as a whole it's really something that I look forward to. It allows me to be so "me", I can switch projects and do something completely different hour to hour. I guess it's just like cooking - one day you can be in Italy, the next day in the Philippines. I could never get bored. But once you attach a "must" or a "deadline" factor then it can turn into an entirely different beast.

My other concern is that I'm just not ready yet - meaning, I don't feel that I've been doing it long enough. I feel like I'm making a bunch of different things but haven't quite found my niche yet. However, at the rate I'm going, I am confident that it won't be long until I figure this out (fingers crossed).

Am I any closer to owning my own shop? Well, this one is a though one because there are so many factors to consider. Like, will I end up staying in NYC? It's sort of like asking are you any closer to having a baby? To me, it's not like taking a job and then deciding 5 months later it's not right for me. I've seen businesses open and close in a matter of months and that's definitely NOT something that I'm open to. It's a huge lifestyle change and I guess I'm having issues with pin pointing whether or not I'm ready for it. How do you know if you're ready for something like this? Is it one of those you just know moments like love or when you decide to start a family? Like many things in my life, the shop idea is always evolving - the concept manages to tweak itself every now and then. Right now, since I'm so into making things I'm dreaming of a shop that's fully committed to hand-crafted goods, but will people be willing to pay more for hand-made products that they can easily buy a cheaper mass-produced knock-off version from Urban Outfitters? I'm not so sure.

Do I plan to look for a "traditional" job? NO

We'll see how much of this changes next month!

Storefront image of Church Street Apothecary, SF

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